I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
