Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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