So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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