I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
