Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
