I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
