I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
