Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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