what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
