It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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