I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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