I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
