tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
