Barsexuality is the new black.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
