I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize