Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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