Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
