I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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