I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
