My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
