If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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