Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
