You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
