Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
