My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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