He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Randomize
