Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
