I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
