ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dicks are not precious.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
