I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Success! We fucked roommates!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
