It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
