the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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