You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
FUCK WHALES
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
