Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he thought i was a dude.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
