So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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