I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
