He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
