the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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