I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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