just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
