I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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