I smell stomach acid.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
