I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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