All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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