Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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