Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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