thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
