So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
