those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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