I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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