he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize