plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
