i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
