You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
