Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
