oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
