I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
