I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
