never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
