Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize