my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
