we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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