i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
