i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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