this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
