I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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