I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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