this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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