Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just invented taco cereal.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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