All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Randomize
