i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
