I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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