It's like God shit irony all over that family
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
