my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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