oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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