that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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