Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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