hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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