wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Blood and glitter go together right?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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