Say something about gay babies.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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