FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize