I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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