I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
