So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
